senioritis
Have you ever walked into a classroom and suddenly remembered how many other classes you’ve had in that same room, and how each time it was a slightly different version of you that existed? Like in room 218, today you’re a senior typing essays for Nonfiction Writing, but three years ago you were in here falling asleep during Mr. Butler’s slideshows, and a year before that, you were in world history. Each time you were different. Or maybe you’ll be in chorus and suddenly a song will take you back to the same risers but four years ago, and suddenly you’re engulfed in the unexplainable feeling of remembering the person you were the last time you sang the song. Everything around you is the same, but you aren't.
I think it's because I'm a senior now, and it keeps getting more and more real that soon I'll be leaving Uni forever. I keep thinking about how Uni is (relatively) permanent, and all of us aren't.
When I graduate, Uni will have been the static backdrop of my life for five years: all of it spent walking up and down the same staircases, eating lunch on the same floors, and taking exam after exam in the same classrooms. Now, everything about this place reminds me of something. Sometimes it’s directly because of Uni that something I learned, or someone I met, had an impact on me; sometimes it’s just because I spend so much time here, even unrelated events remind me of a time that I was at Uni. Regardless, when I’m old and think of what it felt like to grow up — every stereotypical moment of teenage angst, rebellion, success, revelation — I’ll be reminded of the time I spent at Uni. It will stay as firmly planted in my internal life narrative as it is planted in the ground on campus.
At the risk of making an overzealous generalization, I think, to most of us after five years this school means something. It might have been good or bad, momentous or fleeting, but it was something. Five years of our life will always be held at Uni. But long before we were born, five years of someone else’s life were held by Uni too. Long after we’re all gone, living our own lives, Uni will hold five years of someone else’s life again as well. Just like room 218 carries three layers of Elizabeths of varying ages to me, someone else has grown up here -- will grow up here -- and look back at all the different versions of themselves that existed here as well.
It's just weird. Uni is permanent, and we aren't. Uni is a strange school that was kind of home for a while, but now I'm realizing that it was really only one brief stop in my life that’s about to be over, and even though the same stuff will all still be here on Springfield Avenue it'll be holding someone else's life instead.
It's just weird. Uni is permanent, and we aren't. Uni is a strange school that was kind of home for a while, but now I'm realizing that it was really only one brief stop in my life that’s about to be over, and even though the same stuff will all still be here on Springfield Avenue it'll be holding someone else's life instead.
This is a beautifully written and very profound post. I like that it's quite deep, and yet also not overdramatized. This is all so mundane, in a way, and yet it gets to the core of a lot that is astonishing, moving, and (sometimes) unsettling about life as it goes on.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely appreciate this post because you were able to stay very focused on this one topic and delve into it very deeply. I like that you're frank in your writing and don't cut corners in terms of developing your thoughts in an honest way. As a junior, the reality that you're facing right now is starting to hit me more and more each day. For me, I think I still have a bit of searching to do in order to understand what Uni has meant to me. I find your perspective inspiring and very well articulated in this post. Our lives go on, and so will Uni's.
ReplyDeleteThis cold reality hit me hard recently. Being an upperclassman now, I already have most of my Uni experience behind me, and that is scary. No one likes changes, so even though I may not like the dirty floors and cockroaches now, I'll probably miss them when I leave. I love how you managed to maintain a concise writing style while exploring such a deep topic, good job!
ReplyDeleteI relate to this post so much. Uni has become this weird part of me, and my essence is reflected in this complicated mutability that Uni begs of us. Occasionally walking down the 2nd floor hallway I'll get an unexpected flashback, suddenly transported back to freshman year as I pass my Freshman locker. I know leaving Uni is going to be a difficult transition, but I'm also waiting in anticipation for what the future will bring.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. Uni has given me a life's worth of memories and it's hard to come back to reality and understand that it's only been five years. It's difficult to accept that the future is coming, but it is also exciting to see what the future holds. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI got this exact feeling earlier this year when I walked into the bio room for the first time since freshman year. It felt really weird, because I could remember where I sat and everything. Now that you bring it up, I can sort of realize that in a couple years no one will remember me at this school (except for maybe teachers who reminisce on my procrastination or what not), but I agree with you Uni is permanent, we aren’t.
ReplyDeleteUgh this is so true. It's crazy to think of all the things that we have done in this school, and honestly really saddening that such a large part of our life will be over soon. I am definitely excited to move on to college, but I will really miss this school.
ReplyDeleteHonestly it's crazy to think about graduating soon. I remember being in 4th grade and looking up at the middle schoolers and thinking that I would never be that old. And then subbie year, I remember walking past the seniors trying to avoid eye contact being in awe of how old they were. Now I'm their age and I still feel too young. The way time moves always amazes me.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great reflective post. I think I've unconsciously thought about this by recalling the things that have happened in the halls and classrooms over the years with many people. This year, I have started to think more about the classes that came before me. I guess seeing the hand prints on the walls everyday has that effect. Again, good post.
ReplyDeleteThis post is really deep. It kind of reminds me of how people go through Uni differently, it really just makes me think. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I didn't get into Uni. Do you ever think about that too?
ReplyDeleteNostalgia is at an all time high right now. Sometimes I start looking forward to next's years activities and then I remember that by next year I will have completely different activities and probably become a completely different person.
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